Could it be?

Could it be?
Could it be I don't know what to beleive in...here we go again...What god is the right god? I think they are all real, if you beleive it and its based on faith, then they are all real...? Right? So who am I talking to when I prey? I guess whoever is out there in the universe that is listening...

A Married Old Women?

Well I am officially married! June 4, 2011...wow what a day! I'll write more soon. I promise.

Love,
An Old Bag of a Women, Married....

Why Does My Job or Lack There Of Define Me?

Why does my day job define me as a person? I am struggling with this because last week I got laid off.

All my life I have worked to be "someone" and my job I had helped define me. It was an 8:30-5, Monday-Friday grownup job that I could tell people about when they said, "tell me about you" I could tell them all about the responsibilities and hardships and people I worked with and it made me feel important...Now what?

I would like to have alot more to say about me when people ask, because in the famous words of Tyler Durdan "You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world"

So from this point on, I will (when I get a new job) not use my job to define me. I am alot more then a stupid job in a stupid office, dealing with stupid customers!

I'm a Human and I'm Not Going to Tell You Again!! Damn it.

I don't want to have to explain to other people that I'm a human. I have feelings, even though they may be silly, dumb, outrageous, ingenious, ridiculous, crazy, jealous, happy, insecure, neurotic, obsessive...Need I go on?? My favorite thing is when someone doesn't understand your feeling and so you get the eye roll, I mean, who would think a human being would posses all these feelings??? "How dare you tell me about your feeling, what are you.....a....a...human...ewe, how weird." Then the whispering starts, "did you see her...the one with two eyes and 2 ears, I think she is one of those humans with those feelings"!  

If I feel any one of the above feelings, its because I'm a human being and suffer from human being defectiveness. Its ok for me to have occasional silly, dumb, outrageous, ingenious, ridiculous, crazy, jealous, happy, insecure, neurotic, obsessive feelings! Happy feelings are most prevalent and for that I am grateful, even though some other human beings are not ok with you being happy all the time either.....so let me remind you I'm a Human and I'm Not Going to Tell You Again!! Damn it. 

A summer meal that makes me feel at home....

Summer Vegi Stew:

2 tbp olive oil
1 Diced Onion
1 28oz can of diced tomatos
1/2 Tsp fresh garlic
1/2 tsp crushed red pepper
1 tsp italian seasoning
2 diced med potatos peeled
1 Carrot cut in slices
1 zuchini sliced to moon shape
1 yellow squach cut to moon shape
1/2 tub of fresh mushrooms halved

1 Small can of sweet corn
1 can of chick peas
2 Tablespoons of suger(cuts out acid from tomatos and makes it easier on the belly)
cauliflower is optional or whatever vegis you like
1/4 cup of tomato juice is also optional

In a pot, heat on med high oil, add onions and garlic and cook till done. Add tomatos and 1-1/2 cups of water, crushed red pepper and itallian seasoning. Boil for 5 min (add a bit more water if needed)

Add Carrots and Potatos, boil for 5-10 min or until carrots and potatos are tender (not to soft tho)

Add zuchinni, squash and mushrooms and optional cauliflower, boil for 5 min or until tender

Add 1 can of drained chick peas and suger, boil for 5-10 min.  ENJOY

Let me know how you like it!

Is It Just Human or Defectual?

Feeling a bit insecure. The question I ask myself; is it just me being human or is this a defectual part of my being? For most people I think its human nature, to feel a little insecure, less then, for a moment and then snap back to reality of "Hey I'm a strong, successful, independent women, I'm ok with me"! I am so glad I don't feel this way very often. I think if insecurity is a defectual part of your nature then you would bask in the mind f***ing that comes along with feelings of a victim of life. The poor me. The jealousy that runs paralel to insecurity. The Jealousy that runs parelel to being a victim of life. I guess its all about choices. Each day we wake up we have to ask ourselves, "What am I worth to myself today"? For me, I worth getting up to the birds of spring chriping, to the sun shining, to a long hot shower, clean clothes, fresh coffee and a great job. I get to chat with my friends on my long drive to work, listen to the morning show, come home to a family thats all mine and just live. Thats what its all about, this life thing. Enjoying and soaking up all the good and leaving behind the negative forces of human nature. Moving into a place of love and acceptance for me. Finding the love for myself on the inside. Peaceful.

Is Everyone Birthing Baby Calves?

I know...let me count.....7?? Women who are having babies! Holy Jesus, get the manger ready!! I guess its my age?? Everyone is about at that point in life to have a family. I want one of those! All I can think of these days is, crap, when can I make time to clean my house??? Wedding planning has taken over my life....I dream it, day dream it and do it ALL DAY LONG!!! My gosh....So after the wedding we are going off the Birth Control...so I better get my house in order so i feel like I have it together! The simple task of cleaning the house makes me feel so grounded and complete.....no I won't do your house :-) Really though...me raising a child???...I have this vision of slow days.....gardening with my little girl....having a quiet picnic under the trees with the warm sun on my back....telling her how water makes the earth moist and gives the plants and trees nutrients to grow...then the plant grow and spout leaves and sometimes fruit and then we can eat it....ahhhh....a nice dinner later that evening....I can picture it so clearly...um back to reality...I have to work, kids have school, sports, arts, there is crying and naughty boys and girls! I think I'll still be ok...as long as I get my dream visions occasionally! I laugh heartily.....