Monday, November 29, 2010

Can't I be Loving?

I have been feeling in need of a bit of spiritual guidence in my life lately. A force to tell me how to dig deep to find some compassion for people who need it. I want to be the kind of person who buys flowers for the girl who dislikes me, say something kind to the girl who needs a kind word, feel love and compassion for her.

But...I'm a Mytyr:
a person who seeks sympathy or attention by feigning or exaggerating pain, deprivation, etc.

I always want to say "where is the compassion for me??" "She treats me terrible" "I did this nice thing for her and did I get a thanks?"

Why do I need recognition from others that I was mistreated? Why do I need recognition for a good deed? This defectual part of my charactor needs to go! I want to be a sweet loving person. Damn it. I'm gonna keep trying.

Let me know if you have advice for my sick soul!

1 comment:

  1. No advice, but I relate. I pray, pray, pray for compassion. I miss the connectedness to spiritual ways that I had when I used to see you and the girls all the time, like I knew a little more about the big picture and my place in it. Just started going to the Unitarian Church. We'll see if that can root me down again.

    Love your blog!!! So glad you're writing.